Smile Through The Pain
by Sesiyrus
Summary: Ranmaru survives the events of Honnoji and has to find a way to continue living a life he feels has no more meaning. HanRan (Hanbei/Ranmaru) Shounen-Ai


**AN:** _I haven't uploaded anything in quite awhile, sorry for going stagnant for so long, I'm going to try and get in the groove of writing again. This isn't exactly a NobuRan fic, but this is under the pretense that Ranmaru was (like he is canonically) Nobunaga's lover, and what would happen if they were separated/and Ranmaru survived Honnoji. A friends birthday who shipped HanRan was the perfect motivation to finally finish this! It's been in my head for awhile and I have a soft spot for Hanbei/Ranmaru, so enjoy if you like the ship~  
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**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing, I make no money from this, characters are all belong to Koei, you get the picture._

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Ranmaru sighed as he rounded the corner quickly, he wouldn't bother calling out his younger brothers name but the irresponsible page had been missing for an hour and Ranmaru had been forced to get twice as much done. Though what really annoyed him was completing Bomaru's chores in twenty minutes whereas it took the boy all night to usually accomplish one thing. "Ranmaru?" Came the familiar and whimsical voice of his lord, the door to his room open, an invitation as well as a testament of the mans current boredom.

"My lord." Ranmaru bowed slightly, offering a serene smile. Nobunaga grinned, "What are you doing?" He asked, spying the tense nature of Ranmaru's body, signs of irritation. "Ah… Bomaru has run off, again." Ranmaru smiled despite the tired sound of his voice. "Hmmm, and you're looking for him?" Nobunaga clarified. "Well, yes." Ranmaru nodded.

"Has he yet to do his chores?" Nobunaga mused. "Well I… I've actually already done them." Ranmaru pursed his lips together, shifting back and forth slightly. "Ahh, I see. So you mean to simply lecture him?" Nobunaga smirked, causing Ranmaru to look away with a slight blush. "Y-Yes." He nodded.

"Let him off today. I have something else for you to do." Nobunaga said lightly, Ranmaru bowed his head slightly and smiled knowingly, "Yes, my lord." He said coming inside and closing the door.

—

"You saw what?" Toshiie asked, keeping his voice hushed as he talked to the frantic scout. "The Akechi army, they're supposed to be coming here but they're heading for Honnoji. We thought maybe they were confused but once the other scout approached them he was killed." Said the exhausted Oda scout, having run the entire way to where the Hideyoshi army was holding out. "Are you serious? So Lord Nobunaga's in trouble, tell this to Lord Hideyoshi, I'm going to see what I can do." Toshiie mounted his horse quickly and took off in the direction of Honnoji.

"There is no way I'm going to beat the Akechi army there. I promised Hanbei I'd look out for Ranmaru too. Damn the Akechi." Toshiie murmured under his breath.

—

The sound of battle and screams jarred Ranmaru from his slightly incoherent thought process. The only thing he was aware of before was Nobunaga, and the feeling of his embrace. Then the perplexed look taking over his face, and the noise of the struggle outside, waking him from a dream and casting him into a nightmare. "What's going on?" Ranmaru murmured in a daze, pulling himself up and watching from the window.

"What do you see, Ran?" Nobunaga asked apprehensively. Ranmaru shook his head, somewhat mortified. "There's no time, Nobunaga-Sama, please escape Honnoji!" Ranmaru turned quickly, rushing to find armor, a weapon, anything.

"Ran…" Nobunaga caught his arms, ceasing his movements. "What's happened?" He asked softly, watching the emotions on Ranmaru's face change from shock, to anger, to despair. "Banners outside, The Akechi…" He whispered.

"The Akechi… Heh. What folly." Nobunaga mused. "My lord! Please, I will hold them off at the gate, please escape!" Ranmaru pleaded. "We will stay together." Nobunaga said adamantly, bringing his hand up to brush skewed strands of hair from Ranmaru's face. "But…" Ranmaru trembled, everything he knew was going to end tonight, everyone he loved was going to die, if he could at least save Nobunaga then at least the future would be saved. "Please." Ranmaru whispered, burying his face against the front of Nobunaga's chest. "This is one thing I can't give you, Ran." Nobunaga offered an apologetic smile, and already arrows were raining down on them from the Akechi archers.

"Fine then… If you won't go, then I'll…. I'll just… Have to kill all of them then!" Ranmaru said somewhat deliriously, but he felt better than the helplessness of before. Nobunaga kept his emotions guarded, although dying tonight wasn't exactly part of his grand designs, he had more than just the future of the Oda to be worried about. "I'll accompany you then, Ran." Nobunaga smiled, he was prepared to meet death, but something about losing Ranmaru to this cruel fate stuck in his mind. He had to watch over him, keep him safe. Ranmaru was turning his sadness into fury, and using that fury to drive away his fear. The reason he's become so twisted and unstable was likely his fault.

"I'm sorry, Ran." Nobunaga stopped Ranmaru before he could leave the room, his body trembling furiously. "It's Mitsuhide who should be sorry." Ranmaru spat angrily, but there were tears still fresh in his eyes.

"I'll kill him, and then you can continue to conquer Japan." Ranmaru was able to smile through the pain, fantasizing about a land where Nobunaga had already won, where there was no war and Nobunaga could be free from this danger. Nobunaga soothingly trailed fingers through Ranmaru's hair, "What a beautiful dream, Ran." He smiled.

Though as Ranmaru cut through each wave, steadily growing more and more tired, he began to realize what Nobunaga knew. He refused to acknowledge the futility of his efforts, he'd never once failed his Lord, he'd always done everything he'd ever said he would. Panting heavily and letting his head rest against the hilt of his sword, strong hands on his back comforted for a moment. Most of Honnoji had already been set ablaze, littered with the bodies of the Akechi as well as Oda servants.

Ranmaru was too terrified to spare a lingering glance. Terrified of seeing faces he knew, loved, and knowing more blood would be split. The only thought that comforted him was the fact he'd be joining them soon.

"Ran… I've lived a life of comfort. Ambition. I have no regrets. It's thanks to you, I was able to live these last few years caught in a happiness I was certain I never deserved. The reign of Nobunaga has reached it's end, but that's no reason for you to die." Nobunaga knew the rejection was coming, as Ranmaru whirled around, eyes glaring at him for the first time.

"Don't you dare tell me to run away." Ranmaru said heatedly, turning his head in time to see arrows being shot towards their position. Ranmaru was content to use his body as a shield, but he couldn't think straight as unexpected force pulled him full circle. Nobunaga had grabbed Ranmaru's arms and changed their positions, taking the hail of arrows instead.

Ranmaru felt suspended in that moment, staring blankly at arrows protruding from the front of Nobunaga's chest, the blood dripping down from their tips. His fingers trembled as they made way to touch the arrows, almost refusing to believe such a thing could be happening, affirming by the touch that this was indeed no illusion. "Why… Why would you do that!?" Ranmaru screamed, indignation, fury, sorrow all forcing his voice to crack as more tears spilled down his face. "Ran…" Nobunaga forced a grin to his face, blood had begun to drip from the corners of his mouth.

"I… I'm your bodyguard, so why would you do this…" Ranmaru's voice had gone hoarse from the strain of screaming. "I couldn't let you be killed, you can still escape this nightmare." Nobunaga tried to soothe the trembling boy, but Ranmaru's sobbing was involuntary at this point. His heart felt like it had cracked open, and all the joy and laughter of life was slowly leaking out. He'd be drained soon, empty, just a shell.

"I won't leave… I will stay here with you… Even if you die, even if the Akechi break through, even if the flames spread and the roof caves in on me I will stay but I will not live in a world where you are dead!" Ranmaru was able to shout again, but the burning in his throat and the churning in his stomach made him feel sick. If the Akechi broke in now there was no way he could fight, not when Nobunaga was dying.

The realization made his chest convulse with more agonized sobbing. A voice, somehow reaching over the sounds of war, and fire, caught both their attention. "Lord Nobunaga? Ranmaru!" It was the sound of Toshiie's voice. Nobunaga caught Ranmaru's wrist and dragged him over to the balcony, craning his head over the edge to see Toshiie on his horse. He had to cut a path through the gardens to get here but luckily he'd made it in time before Honnoji was nothing but ashes.

"Toshiie. Take Ranmaru someplace the Akechi won't find him." Nobunaga ordered, even if he were dying he was still the Lord of the Oda. "What about you?" Ranmaru pleaded, "We can… We can treat your wounds." Ranmaru whispered, though the multiple arrows through Nobunaga's body and the blood trail left on the floor begged to differ.

"It's going to be painful Ranmaru, but it seems there is indeed a way to save at least one innocent life from this massacre. My soul will be at peace knowing you will continue to live." Nobunaga stared steadily into Ranmaru's eyes, this would be the last time. "But you're more important than m-" Nobunaga cut him off with a forceful kiss. "I refuse to allow you to die before me." Nobunaga wrapped his arm under Ran's legs, sweeping him off his feet. "Toshiie, catch." Nobunaga said throwing Ranmaru over the edge of the balcony, Toshiie had struggled to accept the unexpected pass of an entire human body, but he managed to catch Ranmaru.

"You're really not coming?" Toshiie called up to Nobunaga. "The time of Nounaga has ended." Nobunaga smiled and turned away from the balcony. "No… No!" Ranmaru struggled, but Toshiie took off, keeping Ranmaru between his arms and the horse. "Keep your head down, the Akechi can't be spotting you." Toshiie scowled as he managed to contain Ranmaru's squirming. "And why not? Aren't you taking me to Mitsuhide so I can cut his head off?" Ranmaru growled angrily. "No, Ranmaru, we're getting out of here." Toshiie shook his head. "What!?" Ranmaru seethed. "Look, I have orders, and a promise to keep. This is two people now who have entrusted your future to me." Toshiie said loudly, Ranmaru pursed his lips together and stared out blankly at the fast moving ground below them.

Bitter resentment growing in his heart, towards everything, everyone. "Then where are you taking me?" Ranmaru asked, almost lifeless. No emotion was left in him, he didn't even care anymore. "Somewhere safe…" Toshiie said pulling a message out and reading over it again quickly.

'I really must be talented to send you so many messages from beyond the grave! Is it scary? Have people claimed to see my ghost yet? Well in any case, I'm not really dead. Only you and Kanbei know this as long as you don't turn into gossips. He should have directions to where I am! By the way, I know you'll do what you can to keep your promise, you're a good guy that way. If you happen to be caught in a situation where Ranmaru needs a place to be hidden then bring him here.'

Toshiie had scribbled the directions from Kanbei quickly onto the letter, and looking at them now he wished he would have spent a little more time on them, but he'd figure things out somehow. Ranmaru was silent for an entire day, he knew by now Nobunaga was dead, he was certain of it in fact. Each town they passed through the gossip was everywhere. Toshiie had bought a cloak and forced it over Ranmaru so his face wouldn't be seen. He even heard rumors of his own death, the whole of Japan believed Nobunaga Oda and Ranmaru Mori to be dead, and yet they were only half right.

'Perhaps, more than half. I might as well be dead.' Ranmaru thought bitterly, Toshiie had to stop and let his horse rest occasionally, they also had to take time to eat. "Holding up alright?" Toshiie came over to where Ranmaru was sitting and put his hand on his shoulder, Ranmaru's face hidden by the cloak, and he merely nodded.

"Did you hear? They say Nobunaga died when Honnoji collapsed." One farmer had whispered to another. "Not what I heard, he went down fighting." The other one retorted. "I have something even better than that, one of the Akechi soldier reported Nobunaga using Ranmaru's sword, and swearing vengeance for his death, and they had heard the sound of Ranmaru screaming from inside Honnoji." A woman lent forward slightly to whisper. "Hey… Let's get out of here." Toshiie said somewhat awkwardly, and irritated, but he'd save that for a later time, he wouldn't presume to show irritation over something that was probably dragging Ranmaru's heart through the mud.

Ranmaru merely nodded, following Toshiie to his horse. "Although, neither body could be found when the smoke cleared." The gossip slowly faded into the distance as they left this little settlement. "I think we're almost there, this should be the last day of travel, at least." Toshiie offered, "Nobunaga's body hasn't been found?" Ranmaru's voice asked, devoid of much emotion, it was the first thing he'd said since Honnoji. "Not yet but… I… I wouldn't get my hopes up just yet, Ranmaru." It hurt to say, but Toshiie knew Ranmaru preferred to lose himself to unattainable fantasy rather than accept cruel reality.

"Don't worry, I don't have anymore hopes or dreams." Ranmaru replied bitterly. Everything had burned down that night, Honnoji, his family, Nobunaga, his heart, all the things he once could feel at peace with were gone. "I'm sorry, Ranmaru…" Toshiie frowned, Hanbei had been right. Nobunaga would never cast Ranmaru aside, but losing him had definitely destroyed what was left of Ranmaru. He depended on him as his justification for living, and now that Nobunaga was no longer in his life it was like Ranmaru wasn't even alive.

Ranmaru didn't respond, his thoughts were of Nobunaga. He knew, if Nobunaga could, he'd yell at him right now. Tell him to move on, to fulfill his orders and find a new purpose. In fact, Ranmaru was almost morbidly counting on it. If he sulked, cried, and refused long enough Nobunaga would pop out from the shadows and command him to forget, and then Ran could cling to him and refused to be separated.

'But you're dead. You died saving me too. Most people would be grateful, maybe anyone else in the world would have been grateful, but for me it was…' Ranmaru clenched his fingers tightly, tears ready to spill from his eyes. 'The closest to hating you I've ever come. You said we'd do everything together. You lied.'

—

"This is the place." Toshiie sighed, eager to get off his horse and stretch his legs. "What is this place?" Ranmaru got off the horse and pulled his cloak down, they were in the middle of nowhere. There was a humble looking shack out here though, Toshiie knocked on the door a few times. He waited for a few moments then sighed, "Wake up, would ya?" Toshiie called, pounding against the door again.

It cracked open slightly, a single eye peering out at Toshiie, then the door opened fully. "Ah, I welcome you to my home." Came the jovial voice of Hanbei. "Hanbei…? I thought you… Died of illness…" Ranmaru stared at Hanbei mildly shocked, though that was the most he'd felt in awhile, save for his own sorrow.

"That's what I wanted everyone to think, I'm such a genius, right?" He grinned. "Kanbei said he buried you." Ranmaru frowned. "That's what I told him to tell everybody." Hanbei put his hands behind his head and ushered them inside. "So why fake your death?" Ranmaru asked, morbidly curious at this point. "I just wasn't into things, and you don't really 'quit' serving the Oda, so I faked my death to get out of it. Smart, huh?" Hanbei shrugged. "Kanbei tried to talk him out of it, in the end it's his decision though." Toshiie shrugged, crossing his arms. "I suppose so…" Ranmaru said dully.

"So, if you've brought Ranmaru here…" Hanbei turned his attention to Toshiie. "It was the Akechi." Toshiie nodded. "Hmmm, well that can't be helped. Out of all his generals, Nobunaga was cruelest, and most unforgiving, towards Mitsuhide." Hanbei turned back towards Ranmaru and offered a smile, "Are you alright hiding out with me? It'll be a great chance to catch up." Hanbei joked.

"I wasn't given a choice." Ranmaru frowned, Hanbei turned to Toshiie. "Well… I had my promise to you to keep, and then Nobunaga ordered me to take Ranmaru someplace safe, so…" Toshiie trailed off. "I see, Nobunaga said that? I can't help but to be surprised, so I take it he was able to survive then?" Hanbei asked. "No… Nobunaga is dead." Ranmaru looked away, clenching his fists reflexively.

"Now I'm even more surprised." Though Hanbei's face did little to convey such feelings. "Well, I'd like to stay and stretch my legs more but Hideyoshi will need me to avenge Nobunaga." Toshiie nodded to Hanbei and Ranmaru. "Wa-Wait, Toshiie…" Ranmaru caught him at the door. "Don't worry, we'll definitely make the Akechi pay. I personally won't stop until Mitsuhide is dead." Toshiie said firmly, but it was more a promise than it was a statement. "Thank you…" Ranmaru looked away, allowing Toshiie to leave.

"So do you want to talk about what happened?" Hanbei asked gently, sitting back on the bed and gesturing for Ranmaru to make himself at home. "What's there to say?" Ranmaru frowned. "You said Nobunaga died saving you, that's sort of an interesting topic?" Hanbei offered. Ranmaru scowled, lightly irritated but he brushed it off. "Is there any more to say? It's just something he did, I'm not even sure what he did it for." Ranmaru kept his gaze down. "I guess I was wrong." Hanbei lent back, "I always saw Nobunaga as this heartless man, I figured he'd cast you away eventually, because he was the type to use people until they were all used up, then discard them." Hanbei laughed lightly.

Ranmaru narrowed his eyes, "You didn't know him very well then." Ranmaru said shortly, and Hanbei got the message and dropped the subject. "Well, in any case he gave up his life for yours, so what will you do now?" Hanbei asked. "I don't know." Ranmaru shrugged.

"You want revenge, don't you?" Hanbei smiled. "Of course I do. Nothing would make me happier than to kill Mitsuhide myself." Ranmaru could imagine it, vividly. "Having those thoughts won't help you now. Even though, I guess anger is better than feeling nothing at all, right?" Hanbei offered. "It doesn't matter what I feel." Ranmaru lent against the wall, sulking. Hanbei stood quickly and looked around, "Well, I have a few books, I usually just sleep to be honest, but you're welcome to amuse yourself in any way you can find." Hanbei grinned.

"Sleep… Sounds nice." Ranmaru sighed. "Really!? I wasn't expecting that, well I only have one bed right now."

"It's fine, I can sleep on the floor." Ranmaru shook his head. "No, no, the floor gets cold at night, besides it's dirty does it look like I spend much time cleaning?" Ranmaru took a glance around. "No." Was his short answer. "It's better if you just sleep in the bed with me." Hanbei smiled mischievously. Ranmaru gave a defeated sigh, "I should wash off first then, I haven't changed my clothes since Honnoji." Ranmaru frowned. "Ah, then follow me." Hanbei lead him out around the house and down back to a creek. "This is what I use. I'll find you some clothes, mine should fit you just fine." Hanbei skipped off to give Ranmaru some privacy and fetch him some clothes.

Ranmaru didn't take long washing up, he was always quick with getting things done. "Here." Hanbei handed him a white robe. "So you wanted to escape the war right? How has it been waiting up here in silence while Japan suffers." Ranmaru asked coldly. Hanbei shrugged, "It's boring, but I like it a lot more than killing." Hanbei admitted. "So you can sit back and watch the blood spill but you won't do it yourself, is that any better?" Ranmaru scowled, pulling the robes on. "I don't know, I'm not cut out for killing… and, neither are you." Hanbei smiled. "Hmph, of course I am, for my lord I would-" Hanbei cut him off, "Ahh but that's for your Lord. Trick question, if you'd never met Nobunaga, do you think you could still be a killer?" Hanbei asked curiously, he was doing it again, endlessly analyzing those around him.

"I…" Ranmaru fumbled with his words, "Of course, I could… I don't kill because I like it or I want to, I do it to save lives. To save my lord, my family, my comrades, the innocent. I only fought because I knew Lord Nobunaga could unite the land. He was strong enough, and he would have ended things quickly. People always called him cruel, ruthless… But what would they rather? That this war wages on for hundreds of years?" Ranmaru felt empty, he had nothing else left to give. He wasn't sad, he wasn't angry, because his life had amounted to nothing. He couldn't save Nobunaga, the only time he'd ever failed his lord and it was the one time it truly mattered.

Who cares that he was the only one that could make tea that Nobunaga would drink. Or knew what he was thinking and feeling. Or when he needed something. None of that would have saved his life. He was useless.

"Killing for those I love was a heavy burden, but I can't imagine what it would be like to willingly give them up to fate and hide, not doing anything to protect what is precious." Ranmaru said bitterly. "I guess you got me there. So you knew Nobunaga better than anyone, what do you think he would want for you?" Hanbei asked.

Ranmaru stood up, smoothing his hands over the clean clothes and running his fingers through his wet hair. "He'd want me to move forward, obviously." Ranmaru sighed. "And will you?" Hanbei asked, with a small smile. "I don't know yet…" Ranmaru murmured.

—

A month had already passed, Ranmaru was getting used to living out where it was remote. At first he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stand having nothing to do, but for once in his life he didn't want to do anything anyway. Hanbei watched Ranmaru from the window of the shack, he was sitting outside feeding some little birds, but there was a scowl on his face.

Ranmaru was recovering, Hanbei was sure of it. He had more faith, seeing Ranmaru in the worst possible situation and he still had the energy to cry when he thought Hanbei was asleep. To get angry when he thought no one was looking. He was grieving, and he was angry. 'It's proof that you're still alive, Ranmaru.' Hanbei thought affectionately. He was also sure these memories would never cease to haunt the poor boy though, but if they were lucky he'd learn to smile through it anyway.

Hanbei was jarred by a knocking at his door. It was either Kanbei or Toshiie, or at least it had better. "It's me, Hanbei." Came Toshiie's voice, Ranmaru had already come around and met him at the door. "You're looking healthy, I'm proud." Toshiie said putting his hand on Ranmaru's shoulders. "Uh, yeah." Ranmaru nodded quickly, and Toshiie knew what he was eager for. Toshiie waited until he was sitting down comfortably before he spoke up. "You want to know about the Akechi, right?" Toshiie asked. "Yes." Ranmaru said quickly, anticipating Toshiie's news.

"Completely obliterated." Toshiie grinned. "And Mitsuhide?" Ranmaru asked. "Dead." Toshiie nodded. "Good…" Ranmaru looked away, feeling at least slightly satisfied. "That's karma for you. What's that you have?" Hanbei asked gesturing to something wrapped up by Toshiie's side. "I went back to Honnoji. Picked your sword out of the ashes, I thought you might want it, potentially need it. Now that Nobunaga's dead all of Japan has gone completely haywire." Toshiie shook his head, handing the wrapped blade to Ranmaru. "Thank you, this means a lot to me." Ranmaru bowed his head slightly, pulling the cover back and resting his hands on the hilt of his blade. There were ashes, blood, and burns marring it's former beauty, but he was sure he'd have the time to fix it. He had nothing else to do.

Toshiie stayed until it was nearly nightfall, he'd brought rice with him in case Hanbei was running low, but Hanbei had enough supplies to last a lifetime anyway. "So have you been alright here? You didn't say much." Toshiie said before he left. "I'm as well as can be expected." Ranmaru sighed. "At least you're trying. You should smile for Nobunaga, I'm sure he'd like to see it." Toshiie grinned. "Dead men don't see anything." Ranmaru shrugged. "That's not true… You know, we still couldn't find his body. We found some scorched fabric of his clothes though, we think the fire burned everything. Even if nothing remains of his body though, those flames could never scorch his soul, Nobunaga will watch over you, I'm sure of it." Ranmaru turned slightly, his answer was to think intensively.

He wanted to find peace in the sentiment but he wasn't sure if that was possible at this point. "I'm taking off, I'll make sure to check in." Toshiie nodded as he left.

—

Light filtering in from the window caused Ranmaru to cringe, he sat up, running fingers through his hair and sighing. Today was as good as any to fix his beloved weapon. He turned his gaze to Hanbei still sleeping soundly in the bed, he'd probably stay like that for a couple more hours anyway. He moved his fingers along the sheath, but as he pulled the sword free a burnt slip of paper fell from it. "What is this?" Ranmaru picked it up, it was folded up, and appeared heavily damaged. Ranmaru carefully unfolded the note, his heart thundering in his chest.

If I had one final wish it would be that this reaches you somehow. How are you, Ran? Have you allowed yourself to smile and laugh yet? You know this world has no use for the sullen. I fought them off, most of them. Mitsuhide was too much of a coward to face me himself but once most of Honnoji collapsed they didn't even bother coming at all. I can finally die on my own terms and not from these damned arrows. I want you to know the truth of Nobunaga's death. Only you will know my last thoughts, and they were of you. As my final order, I command you to smile, Ran. Smile and move forward.

He always had a knack for fulfilling Nobunaga's orders before he even asked, he'd been smiling the second he realized this note was from his lord. Even though his tears were falling, he'd been smiling.

—

"Is it really snowing already?" Ranmaru blinked, peering out the window. "That's what happens this time of year." Hanbei grinned. "I can't keep track of anything these days." Ranmaru frowned. "You don't need to anymore." Hanbei stood up, he'd noticed a change in Ranmaru the last couple weeks. No more crying, no more anger. He still hadn't laughed or smiled, but he wasn't exactly lifeless. He was eager to help with things, eager to ask questions, he kept himself busy. It was no different than the Ranmaru from the time of Nobunaga's reign. He'd become shocked and embarrassed at times, and he didn't have anymore painful sentiments to share.

"Want to see the snow?" Hanbei turned his head back with a whimsical smile. "Nothing else to do." Ranmaru shrugged, following him outside.

Before Ranmaru knew it though, Hanbei had him engaging in a war of a whole different nature. It started off so light-hearted, Hanbei had thrown snow at him and Ranmaru eventually did it back once Hanbei refused to stop, things escalated from that to a full on drag through the snow. Ending with Ranmaru on his side and Hanbei hovering over him.

Ranmaru was panting lightly, and smiling. "You're smiling." Hanbei pointed out. "I am?" Ranmaru asked breathlessly.

—

Six months had passed, Toshiie visited one or twice, Kanbei came by to give Hanbei even more supplies that he really didn't need. Ranmaru had recovered to a point Hanbei never expected. He seemed, dare he say, happy.

He didn't even bother to cut his hair anymore, or tie it up in his decorative ponytail. It had even grown out slightly longer, he had no reason to appear well groomed anymore. It's not like anyone was going to care how fancy he looked, especially not Hanbei.

"Hanbei… Can I ask you something?" Ranmaru asked softly. "Of course." Hanbei smiled.

"You faked your death but, you truly appeared ill…" Ranmaru frowned. "Ah, well. I am still sick, but I won't die just yet." Hanbei reassured. "Truly?" Ranmaru frowned.

"You know, I've been feeling a lot better with someone around to keep me company actually." Hanbei grinned. "Ah… I see." Ranmaru nodded and looked away. "Are you scared of being alone again?" Hanbei asked gently, moving over to sit next to Ranmaru.

"Maybe…" The boy muttered.

"Don't live for me, live for yourself. You know, if anything ever happened to me, Toshiie would be there for you, right?" Hanbei put his hand on Ranmaru's shoulder. "Mm… But, I…" Ranmaru frowned. "It's alright, like I said, I won't die so soon. People could die any moment, that's why instead of worrying you should be cherishing." Hanbei said lightly.

"Yeah…" Ranmaru smiled.

—

"You sleeping in longer than me? Now that's a surprise." Hanbei yawned, as he turned in bed to straddle Ranmaru. "Hmm…" Ranmaru smiled wearily, nuzzling closer to the warmth of the bed. "I know that smile. What's on your mind?" Hanbei asked leaning forward slightly. "It's been a year…" Ranmaru whispered. "Ahh… Since that day, right?" Hanbei finished, smiling. "Yeah…" Ranmaru nodded.

"It's funny, I can't even keep track of the season but when I woke up this morning I knew… I could feel it. What should we do on a day like this?" Ranmaru sat up.

"Sleep." Hanbei lent heavily on Ranmaru, forcing him back down on the bed. "Sleep? Yeah… That doesn't sound so bad." Ranmaru closed his eyes, allowing Hanbei to wrap his arms around him. This day wasn't as painful as Ranmaru had expected. In fact, he felt almost closer to his deceased Lord knowing he left the living on this day. It comforted him, and he had to continue to move forward, for his sake.

"Say, Hanbei…" Ranmaru murmured tiredly, his voice no louder than a whisper, but Hanbei was close enough to where he could hear Ranmaru clearly. "Hmm?" Hanbei hummed, not bothering to open his eyes or move from his comfortable position. "Do you think it's really possible for the dead to watch over us?" He asked softly. "Definitely. The ones we love never truly leave us." Hanbei smiled knowingly, eyes blinking open to spy Ranmaru's face. He didn't know what he expected, but it comforted him to see a smile on Ranmaru's face.

"You're cute when you smile." Hanbei grinned. "I-I… What?" Ranmaru blushed instantly. "I'm glad you're able to smile, even on a day like this. I underestimated you. I thought you'd fall apart." Hanbei admitted. "I thought I would too…" Ranmaru laughed, feeling somewhat foolish.

"But it turns out, you're stronger than that. I think someone would be very proud of you." Hanbei teased. "Really? I-I hope so…" Ranmaru was beaming now.

It sounded like it might rain, Hanbei noticed as he perked up slightly. "Sounds like another day inside." Hanbei sighed idly. "Yeah… That's fine. I'm content to stay like this, anyway." Ranmaru closed his eyes again.

—

"That was great, you cook much better than me, Ranmaru." Hanbei laughed. "Hm? I don't notice much of a difference." Ranmaru bowed his head slightly. "I was thinking, it's been a long time since anyone has heard of us. Maybe we could chance going into a town?" Ranmaru said suddenly. "Sure. I doubt anyone would notice." Hanbei thought it over, then nodded, deciding it might actually be fun.

"Hanbei… I've been wondering for awhile now… It's not like I'm not grateful, but is there any particular reason you asked Toshiie to look after me?" Ranmaru turned to stare steadily at Hanbei. "Hmm… What should I say?" Hanbei teased. "Are you saying you had no reason?" Ranmaru tilted his head. "No, I had plenty of reasons. I was just thinking though, it's amazing how things have changed. At first I was scared for you, but now I know things I hadn't. At first I just didn't want you to think of yourself as though you weren't precious to anyone… But now I don't need to be afraid of that. You're precious to me."

"I-I am?" Ranmaru smiled, his face lighting up instantly. "Mhm." Hanbei hummed, leaning forward and kissing Ranmaru chastely.

"W-What are you doing?" Ranmaru's face had gone completely red. "Don't act like you've never been kissed." Hanbei grinned. "I-I mean, w-why?" Ranmaru stammered.

"Is being precious to me not reason enough?" Hanbei teased. "Mm, I guess it is…" Ranmaru smiled, accepting Hanbei when he lent forward to continue.


End file.
